However, with anything personal, complete shutdown. Thoughts like “oh god what the do I say”, I have no idea how to answer people. I know what they want; I’m very good at inferring and reading people, but it always feels like answering them, to give them a response they will always like, is disingenuous. At the Top When I Grow Up I Want To Be A Golden Girl Cartoon Shirt. If I just met the person. Even if they don’t know I’m just answering with what they’re looking for, it still feels rude to me.
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I can’t answer from the heart. I just can’t do it. It feels, somehow, physically wrong and unbearably embarrassing. I know it gets better with practice, but even that is hard. All my responses are learned, again, based on what people expect. I don’t have natural reactions of my own, because my natural reaction would be to ask questions, but the usual correct response would be to make a Top When I Grow Up I Want To Be A Golden Girl Cartoon Shirt. Normally I don’t say anything unless I have something to say, and I rarely ever do. It’s a very concentrated effort to come up with and execute banter at the same time. I am not saying it’s a death sentence. I don’t think dysfunctional decently smart immense pride in my intelligence actually… I’ve achieved a lot academically and I’m on track for a great career… I just struggle with socializing.
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After a while it’s like gaydar – you get more sensitive to little differences in inflection, or conversational patterns, or body language. My shrink and a guy at my workplace who’s autistic and works with autistic folks both pointed out that I have a Top When I Grow Up I Want To Be A Golden Girl Cartoon Shirt. I’d noticed that a disproportionate number of my friends were autistic. Nope. It’s like people with ADHD creating incredibly strict routines so we don’t lose our keys or wallets. We are terrible at this shit naturally but create a lot of support systems to work around it. God beware if someone else moves things though.
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