Actually they can fly pretty well. When I was a kid, my neighbor’s chicken got out of their pens overnight and all of ’em roosted in several pines nearby. So his pops fetched me and a couple of my brothers over and paid us to collect them. Luckily, we had a nice bit of snow the same night so instead of having to climb the trees and shake ’em out, we were able to flush them out by tossing snowballs and catching them as the flew down. The best part was catching them mid-flight, it was like watching a stupid airplane forget it was flying. It was over pretty quick so we let about 20 or so go to roost again and then kept popping them out of the Top Freshly Baked Chicken Vintage Shirt tree with snowballs till we got hungry. One of my fondest childhood memories.
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You can do this with the ant colonies that travel by scent trail. You can lead an ant in a circle with drops of sugar water, and as it lays a trail, other ants will join it. As they all start laying scent trail, it draws more and more ants into your trap. Then you can use a little Windex on a cloth to erase their entry trail and they’ll stay there spinning for 20-30 minutes. I think the insect is the tarantula wasp. Before burying a recently captured tarantula (so that the eggs implanted on it will grow undisturbed) the wasp will take a look into the planned hole to make sure nothing else already lives there. If the tarantula is moved while the Top Freshly Baked Chicken Vintage Shirt wasp is looking in the hole, the wasp will go move the tarantula back to where it originally was and then go back down the hole to look again.
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When you were partying, I studied the coop. When you were having premarital sex, I mastered the coop. While you wasted your days at the gym in pursuit of vanity, I cultivated inner strength. And now that the world is on fire and the chickens are at the gate you have the audacity to come to me for help. All the whores and partiers will look up and shout “Save us!”… and I’ll look down and whisper “No.” They had a choice, all of them. They could have followed in the footsteps of good men like my father. Decent men who believed in fighting chickens with sticks. Instead, they followed the droppings of lechers and communists and didn’t realize that the trail led over a Top Freshly Baked Chicken Vintage Shirt precipice until it was too late.
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