I had to let go of my “best friend” because of this. With my real friends, I could always just respond to a text message with the We The People 2nd Flag When Tyranny Becomes Law Rebellion Becomes Duty Shirt. With this girl I felt like I had to carefully consider what I was saying and then reword it several times before I could hit send because I didn’t want to be dismissed or berated in any way. That’s not friendship. Really jealous and possessive friends. I’m a jealous person by nature, and even though my jealousy flares up when I see my friends hanging out with other people, I would never let them know. Why? Because I don’t want them to feel bad about doing the things they love (eg. having a social life outside my little world).
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Friends who are good to you when one on one but constantly put you down In group settings. This is a We The People 2nd Flag When Tyranny Becomes Law Rebellion Becomes Duty Shirt. Other signs: inappropriate attention-seeking behaviors, trying to twist the situation on you when confronted about things, not respecting your boundaries, is super friendly with new people but in a disingenuous “I wanna be liked the most” way, constant gaslighting, getting mad at you for not going by the exact same moral playbook as them when in group settings they get really uncomfortable and try to change the subject or put you down extra if attention is on you, acting they like can take constructive feedback but actually taking it out on you in small ways throughout the rest of the day.
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Twelve-step programs talk about “your higher power.” If you don’t believe in an ancient tribal sky-god. It offends you that others want you to, then clearly that’s not your higher power, yours is probably Truth or Freedom. The list I linked above is not a We The People 2nd Flag When Tyranny Becomes Law Rebellion Becomes Duty Shirt. When they don’t have the instincts to deal with hurting and/or manipulative people. Not all of them apply to everyone with codependent tendencies. And not everyone with them is debilitated by them enough to go looking for help on their knees with their eyes closed.
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